a step of faith
The last thing I wanted to do was start a blog. I didn’t feel that I had the time to dedicate to it or the skill set. So why did the thought continue to make its way through my thoughts daily. It was like that pesky fly that you can never quite get rid of. I finally gave in. The only way I knew how to decipher if this was something God was leading me to do or not was to pray about it, so the first month of this year I intentionally and consistently brought this thought to the Lord.
As I prayed, I began to surrender my insecurities, hesitations, and unwillingness to God. I had a lot of honest conversations with God. In fact, I told Him I didn't want to do this again. I just wasn't sure I was in the right space that would allow me to give this what God was asking me to give to it. I told Him that if He wanted me to start a blog, He needed to give me a name for it. If He did that, THEN I’d take the leap and start one. Haha. Be careful what you ask for. I was still a little reluctant, but about a week into intentionally praying about it, He gave me the name -- Faithful, always. Boy was I shocked and honestly a little upset that He actually answered my prayer. I didn’t really want Him to give me the green light, but He did. It’s funny how sometimes the things we feel least qualified to do are the things that God calls us to.
The end of 2022 was an absolute worldwind, and not in a good way. It was filled with pain, confusion, frustration, anger, all the feelings, and they were aimed at God, if I’m honest. I didn’t understand that if God was such a good God, why was I experiencing the pain that I was. These feelings fueled my insecurities about starting this blog. I didn’t feel like I had great and insightful things to say about God and His love because I was having a hard time figuring it out myself. How was that going to help anybody? I don’t even like writing. It’s not a passion of mine, but hey, here we are. God works in mysterious ways like that.
I made the decision to finally surrender all the pain in my circumstances to God. From there, I began to dig into rediscovering who God was. It was almost as if His mercies were new every morning :) This began to reignite my love for Him and the embers in my heart that were made to burn only for Him, were set ablaze. I decided I couldn’t give up on God because things weren’t going my way. I can’t tell you how many times I wrote down the phrase, “I don’t understand what you’re doing, but I do understand that you are a good God.” I began to understand that even though I didn’t understand the purpose of my pain, that it was for a greater purpose. And until then I would praise Him for the purpose and His promises.
Side note -- If you’re in a season of immense pain right now, I want you to know there is light on the other side. You don't even have to wait to get to the other side because the Light is walking with you in your pain and suffering and His name is Jesus. A light brighter than you could ever imagine. One day I’ll dive more into what that season looked like for me, but for now I want it to be a testament of God's faithfulness.
So, what does that painful season have to do with starting this blog? One word -- faith. My faith was broken down to its core and is being built back up stronger than ever. This blog is a testament of that. When God gave me the name, I knew He was calling me to do this. As I’ve stepped into this calling, excitement has begun to bubble up inside of me. Let me tell you, that is all God.
I’ve been shown that God is faithful, always. In every season. In every situation. In every moment. As I step into this calling, I encourage you to step into yours. It won’t be easy. It will be hard and probably painful, (speaking from experience here) but if it was easy you wouldn’t need faith. Spoiler alert, it will be so worth it!
I don’t take this calling lightly. Saying “Yes, God” to this is yet another step in the direction of refinement, but it’s a step of faith that I’m oh so excited to take. I’m so excited to continue to sit down and do my very best to articulate the love of God that is so deep, wide, high, and constantly pursuing you, inviting you into relationship with Him. I am so grateful to have the ability to share my most vulnerable self with you and to show that He is faithful, always.
“So that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:7
