messy forgiveness

Forgiveness. Something I was always passionate about until I had to forgive someone for some really deep pain that they had caused. I realized the idea of forgiveness sounds way easier than actually forgiving. I’ve shared a little bit about the past season of my life, which required a lot of forgiveness, not only to the other person involved but also to myself. Relationships are messy. Romantic relationships, friendships, all of them. They require a lot of work, and both persons involved must be willing to do the work. 

I spent too much time sitting in the pain and feeling sorry for myself. It was easier to let myself feel sorry for what had happened to me rather than forgive. Forgiveness is a messy, involved, and dedicated process. When I began the journey of forgiveness, I didn’t even know where to start. I was so angry at the person that I didn’t even think I was capable of forgiveness. I thought I had to wait until I felt ready to forgive them. Let’s be honest, if we wait until we feel ready to forgive someone, it’s most likely never going to happen. 

We have all received the ultimate forgiveness. Forgiveness that Jesus has so freely given us, day after day. Hour after hour. Minute after minute. Second after second. I think we sometimes get confused about what forgiveness really is. It is not a one-and-done thing. It’s a continuous process. It also isn’t something that we have to do on our own strength. In fact, we can’t forgive on our own strength. We must lean into God. It is only with His strength that we can forgive. It requires our full cooperation with God. I love this quote from Lysa Terkeurst’s book, Forgetting What You Can’t Forgive. She wrote, “Forgiveness isn’t something we have the option to do or not do. Forgiveness is something hard won that we have the opportunity to participate in.” God has already done the hardest part. We just have to give him our cooperation. 

I know that sounds way easier than it actually is. Retaliation feels like a much better idea than forgiving them. To turn around and show them the same pain they showed you. Trust me, I get it. But the forgiveness isn't for them, it’s for you. It’s a vital step in the healing process. I speak from experience. The day I stood up, wiped away the tears, and decided I was going to give God my willingness to cooperate, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I experienced a newfound freedom. It’s still a daily choice I have to make to forgive, but it is one that is so worth it. Forgiveness is a bold declaration of love for God. When we choose to forgive those who have hurt us, we are choosing God and his love. 

I won’t sit here and tell you exactly what your walk of forgiveness should look like because it is different for everyone. However, I will tell you it begins with your willingness to cooperate with God, your willingness to get into the messiness of it all, and your willingness to let go of the past. 

“But instead be kind and affectionate toward one another. Has God graciously forgiven you? Then graciously forgive one another in the depths of Christ’s love.” Ephesians 4:32